more "plz to vote" spam.

Hi! Today is the last day to register to vote in California.

If you want to check and see if you're registered, or want to download a voter registration form you can go here.

California is a blue state, so you might feel like...who cares! The candidate I want to vote for is going to win/lose/I hate them all. But, there are some important local and state-wide propositions and measure being voted on this election year. Have a look..

Remember, today will have to physically bring in your registration as it's too late to get it post marked. Find your local office!

If you're already registered....you can still:

a) harass your friends and family to make sure they are too

b) harass people on social networking sites (blogs and emails are equally annoying and effective!)

c) make sure you get to your polling place on election day or even vote early!

Thanks for letting me spam! Happy voting!

I liked this.

Obama '08 - Vote For Hope from MC Yogi on Vimeo.

John McCain's Dirty Little Secret

Who would have thought Sen. McCain has no respect for woman? Oh, wait.

read more | digg story

O....RLY?

So excited.

read more | digg story

McCain-Palin Rally Attendees: "Obama is a terrorist" (VIDEO)

Off topic...but interesting (and terrifying) to watch.

read more | digg story

Long time no blahg

It's been awhile.. let's catch up!

Ethan and I went to Vegas. That was fun. We'd both never been before, so we spent most of trip being bewildered and walking around. And drinking. I had a lot of fun sleeping into the day and being up all night..and getting dressed up. I bought a bunch of Vegas clothes that I probably will never wear again. And shoes..ow. I feel silly wearing the shoes I did in a city where you walk everywhere. We went over two months ago, and I still have the blister scars on my feet.. yikes!

What else...oh! We also celebrated our one year anniversary on the 23rd of August. That made me really happy. We went and saw a free Gin Blossoms concert in Santa Cruz. I got Ethan a garlic holder. He got me roses, coffee and the Sunday paper in bed; I was a very happy girl that weekend.

Either shortly before or after I started classes, I'm in my fifth week now. Wow! I'm taking some interesting courses, though as they're still GEs, not as interesting as I'd like. Developmental Pysch, Human Sexuality, Art Composition and Writing. I would never admit to my dad or brother that I like writing a lot. I'm still very far from being any good at it...but something about it makes me really happy. So far classes are going well. I still don't know how much I liked this semester business, I feel like it's midterms time already but really I'm only about 1/4 in. I'm thinking about doing online sexuality (some part of) for my human sex presentation and paper...if anyone has good ideas of what my focus should be, let me know!

I had a couple strange things happen over the course of the last few months. Not related, but within myself.

First, I realized that the birth control pill I was taking caused me to become super depressed/anxious/moody. I had never, ever felt so bad in my life. I've suffered from different variations of depression before in my life, but this was a whole new beast. For about two months I was not myself. I was crying all the time, I couldn't tolerate people at all (which wasn't very good for my job or my relationship), and really hated myself. I was waking up at 3AM and crying for hours, and had these horrible thoughts running through my head. This was also around the time I'd quit smoking, so for the first few weeks I thought I was just withdrawing really bad. Long story short, I stopped taking it, and within a week I felt like myself again. I'm not really sure how people put up with me!

Secondly, everyone other day when I'd check facebook or myspace I'd see a girl around my age declaring her engagement/marriage/pregnancy/birth. This was blowing my mind. I spent a lot of time in the last couple months evaluating my thoughts toward marriage. My conclusion thus far is this: Marriage is something I don't understand. Not to say I think it's bad, or people shouldn't do it. It's just outside my grasp of comprehension. Especially for people my age (22ish). Here's my thought process...let's say I did understand marriage, and wanted to do it. Well, I'm 22. I'm going to change a LOT within the next 10 years. I've changed a lot in the last 9 months. Yes, it's easy to say and feel you love someone forever. However, you change, they change...what's important to you now may not be in 10 years. What you like about this person may not be attractive to you in 10 years. Whatever, you get my point. Again, my caveat is if you are 22 and married, engaged, I'm not knocking it...especially if you're happy. I'm just saying it's not for me. Okay, onto the point of "Why do people get married?". When I first thought I was falling in love I asked my friends and family what love meant to them. I like people's perspectives on things. So, I've asked the majority of my close friends and family what their thoughts on marriage are, and why they think it's something we do. To sum it up, I mostly got the answers, "It's what people expect you to do when you're in a committed relationship.", "Tax breaks, insurance, etc...", "If you want to have children, you should be married." Fair enough, though, I still don't understand the point. That being said, I don't understand the point of having babies...but I'm not one to say I will never be a mother. I've learned about the "maternal instinct", and I assume the "marriage instinct" might be there too. Just, right now, at this point in my life, I don't get it. To put this in context: I live with my boyfriend. We are incredibly committed to each other, perhaps to the point of co-dependence (not in the drug way...and I'm kidding anyway ;)). I love him very much, and he does me. We spend as much time together as possible. I know he'd do anything within his means for me, and I would for him. I don't feel any need to get married to him. I love him, our relationship works, and we trust each other explicitly. I don't see us breaking up anytime soon (or later). But, I don't want to marry him...I feel it would be unfair to at least him, where I'm still very young in terms of knowing what I want, and what I want to do forever. Okay...I could keep going on this, so I think I've made my point and I'll stop. :)

Let's see...tonight I'm going to see Counting Crows! I'm really excited that I get to see both of my  favorite 90's bands within a month of each other. Mr. Jones and meeeeeeeee!

I'll do better (promise!) at keeping this updated, hopefully with more pictures, less semi-nonsensical ramblings. byeee.

Shocking -- but not really.

I've always been curious and a little disturbed by the lack of resources and government spending for health care. Especially mental health care. I worked with mentally disabled adults for almost three years and saw the apathy and how things easily got swept under the rug for the mentally disabled who were unable to advocate for themselves. There are many wonderful people who work in the mental health field. It'd be unfair and wrong to say their aren't. However, it is a bit tragic the state of mental institutions in America, and the rest of the world, in my honest opinion.

Anyway, I'm sure many of you have seen this video already. But, wow.

woman dies on hospital floor

And on a happy note..

Today is my four week anniversary of not smoking. I feel fabuloooous!

Dysthymia..

I posted this on a blog I had about a year ago. I still feel like it's something I should share to whomever has stumbled across this blog. As you read this, remember that I'm honestly not a miserable person, I'm absolutely not looking for sympathy, and that in the past year I've grown a bit and am learning day by day how important it is to take good care of me and my mental health. I also feel I'm in a much better place in life than I was last year around this time. I will probably always feel this way, but I'm learning how to function and try to be as happy as I can with what I already have. I really just feel as this is one public forum I feel comfortable discussing such a thing in, I should take advantage and inform people of this thing I'd never heard of until a few years ago.

Ever since I can really remember, I've never been happy. Now now.. this isn't me writing to get sympathy or have anyone think "Aww, poor girl". Really. I just want to talk about it for a minute. There are many kinds of mental illnesses. We've all heard about depression, anxiety and probably bi-polar disease and schizophrenia. And I'm sure everyone at some point in their life has really been in the dumps and felt like they couldn't crawl out with all their might. Depression hits everyone. Life isn't perfect..etc etc.

I've seen a few counselors, psychiatrists and doctors concerning my unhappiness before. What would happen would be this. I would be really sad, would make an appointment.. go for a few appointments, get prescribed some pills and after a month or so I would feel better and wonder why I even bothered. I know other people who have done this too. I would assume you know at least one person who has been on anti-depressants before. I've been diagnosed with depression all those times. One day, a doctor told me a new word that kind of meant the same thing. Dysthymia? He explained to me what it was, and I said.. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......". It made sense for the first time ever. It reminded me of when I found out I needed glasses and thought that everyone had to squint at the board to read it. It also made me feel a little less crazy.

I had never heard of something like this before. Dysthymia. Here's a definition i scrounged up.

Is chronic mild to moderate chronic depression, as opposed to major depression. The DSM-IV mandates the same symptoms as for major depression, except for suicidality, but requires only three symptoms in all, so long as they have persisted over two years. Mild to moderate is a misnomer, as dysthymia can make a person’s life as miserable as major depression.

The way the doctor described it to me was basically like, there is a line, that's "normal", happy, content, whatever. People with dysthymia stay below the line all the time. So relatively speaking that is normal. However, normal sucks. I found that yeah, I feel like shit all the time. I'm generally most happy when I'm lying in bed.. and doing things (making my bed, taking a shower, cooking meals, paying bills) aren't as easy as I feel they should be. I struggle for confidence, worth and self-esteem. I like this description:

Still, we are able to function, a sort of death-in-life existence that gets us out into the world and to work and the duties of staying alive then back to our homes and the blessed relief of flopping into our unmade beds.

All too often, we are told to snap out of it. That the invisible water torture we carry in our heads is our own fault. And shamed into thinking something is wrong with our attitudes, we fail to seek help. Or, if we do, it's our family physician who confuses a very real chemical imbalance in the brain with some imaginary defect in our personality. And so we are sent away with a stupid happy pill such as a tranquilizer (whose depressive effect only adds to our quiet misery).

Some of us turn to the bottle or illegal drugs. Others seek a more permanent solution. Yes, even milder forms of depression can be lethal (experts estimate anywhere from 3 to 12 percent of people with dysthymia cure themselves by suicide).

stolen from here

Most people can articulate better than me. Which is why I have a blog.. to steal other people's good ideas and share them with you!

So I have this..thing. Good, I know what it is and that I'm not necessarily crazy. I know I'll probably have it forever and that basically I need to do whatever I can to make it better. The bad news is I am bad with taking pills. I will get them, take them, then stop because I feel better. Self-destructive? No. Just irresponsible. And cheap. And I am never quite sure if they are working, or if my brain is into the placebo effect. But I can get out of bed, take a shower and try and eat right and exercise. Most of the time this works. By most of the time.. I would say.. 75%.

Then...... it hits. Like a depression on top of a depression. I shut down. Collapse. Contemplate suicide on the rare occasion. Feel hopeless, worthless, incapable of receiving love (from myself or anyone else). I do things that are bad. Not *bad* bad. Just, not good. I don't answer phone calls, I sleep for 16+ hours. I call-in to work or skip school. I don't eat. I smoke. I cry. Etc, you get the point. I do this until I don't. It's fucked up, and I hate it. I hope some day (soon!) I will have developed the skills to stop this before it starts and not let myself get away with it. Luckily, it's been awhile since I've been that miserable.

Every once in a blue moon.. I am happy. Content. I love life and everything about it. Then it goes away.. but for those moments I embrace it..

Most days I fake it (fake it until you make it?). And that's okay for now. I would love to be content on a daily basis. But honestly, to me, that doesn't seem real. Is it real? Or is everyone else faking it too? I hope, pray all the time that there is more to life than this, but until then....

I don't hide behind this, or make it "who I am". It's a part of me.

for anyone who cares to read more

Thanks

Hikin'

I went on a hike this Tuesday. It was sort of an accident.. I really just wanted to get out of the house and be outside. Go to the park? A bike ride? Finally I decided I just wanted to go find some wildflowers and take pictures of them. I thought Pulgas Ridge would be a nice place to go for such a thing, though, I saw few flowers, but went on a four mile hike which turned out to be pretty, right around sundown.

Preview

Fun, pretty times. I liked hiking by myself quite a bit. Me+a camera.. extremely cathartic. Seeing a deer was pretty freakin' awesome, too.

I have an awesome boyfriend..

..whom I love very much. I'm so very lucky.

Ethan and I at the Golden Gate Bridge, SF, CA. 2007

I wanted to share a picture, and I thought it deserved a nice little introduction. :)

Pretty frequently I step back and realize how lucky I am to have Ethan in my life, and am constantly amazed at how easy our relationship has been, as well as daily realizing how much I adore him.

Okay, enough of that for now. Carry on.

my quit smoking blog

i quit!

LOST Season Four Alternate Endings..

SPOILER ALERT!

If you haven't seen the ending.. it won't tell you what happened, but it'll tell you what *didn't* happen..

LOST finale

Was amazing..I love this show.

who else noticed octagon global recruiting ad?

it was toward the end, same days as comic con in san diego. interesting!

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Ron Paul Wins 15 Percent in Oregon

Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul received 15 percent of yesterday's primary vote in Oregon, a state in which he inspired both strong grassroots activism and online support but did not physically visit."Oregonians and Americans are hungry for the leadership that will protect the traditions that made our country so great,"...I'm so proud.

read more | digg story

papers, finals, slacking.. oh my!

I have 3 papers and 2 finals for next week. I feel like normally, I'd be stupidly stressed and driving people around me crazy. For some reason, after spring break I put myself into auto drive and just went with it. I feel okay about how I've done the past two months. I've got my assignments done, well, and on time. Did my reading for the most part, didn't go to class only a few times when I had the stomach flu and when Ethan would have a day off in the week. I didn't stress, I just did. I guess I'll find out next week what kind of grade that gives me.

Anyway, I stayed home from going to see the new Indiana Jones movie to do some homework:



Though, I know by the end of the night I'll distract myself with what I'm doing now (putzing around on the internets)

Playing Sim City on the DS..

or crocheting..

Aieeeeeee..

Next week at this time I'll be on summer vacation. I'm happy for the break, but anxious about the "what next". I know I don't want to work part-time on the weekends and spend my weekdays doing nothing. I should work full-time, on the weekdays. Then again, my summer will last about 2 months then I'd be looking to work part-time again. What to do? Must figure it out soon.

Next Friday I'm going to participate in a brain study at Stanford. I'm mostly doing it for the $20/hr they pay.. but a bit for my love of psychology and also just for something to do.

Ah! If anyone in the Bay Area reads this and makes things and likes free food TechShop is having an open house on Saturday, May 31st from 10-5. I'll be there after 1:30 giving tours, etc. It's a cool place to make things. I don't get paid to say this, I honestly think people should know how cool it is :)

Okay, off to *not* slack, but do grown-up things.

cupcakes, crochet, videogames

It's so nice that's it's not insanely warm anymore. It's just nice.. this is what spring is supposed to be. When the wind goes away, I'll be happy.

Yesterday I play tested an undisclosed game at EA, it was pretty fun.. and I got a free game! I've been wanting to try Sim City on the DS for awhile.. I played that for a bit last night. I just got through the tutorials when I decided I should get off my bed and at least pretend to do something that at least made me feel like i was being productive, like making cupcakes.

I made some easy vanilla cupcakes with vanilla buttercream frosting. Really easy to make, and delicious. I also added some red food coloring to make the frosting pink! Hurrah. Unfortunately I jumped the gun and frosted them too quickly..they were still tasty, delicious, amazing though. Just not aesthetically pleasing. Though, I think I'm the only one in my house who's eaten any..

Lastly, I got my Crochet Lites that I bought from eBay yesterday. My roommates like to watch a lot of movies, and usually they all prefer to watch in the dark.. then there's me who wants to "watch" the movie (ie, not sit in my room by myself), but also I need to be crocheting at the same time. Usually, we keep the light on and I'm happy, but they scowl a bit. It'll also be nice for bedtime, since my boyfriend passes out the second his head hits the pillow.. and crocheting would be perfect except for the light I'd need on. I'm not sure if this is borderline obsessive, or just plain cool. Either way, I'm so excited. I busted out the size 6.0 to work on my scarf last night.
Maybe a bit obsessive, as I got all the sizes, ranging from 2.5-6.5 in halves, plus 2 boxes of replacement batteries. The best part though? They totally look like mini-light sabers.

I could be on the death star right here, no?


So good, I've decided to make scarves all summer for xmas gifts (I'm going to be "that" person, I know, I know), in between Amigurumi projects. These are sure to come in handy. Here's a picture of a scarf I almost have finished, it's nothing fancy, but it's soooooo soft. mmmm..
I need to learn to take outdoor pictures of my crafts like the girls on Etsy, they look so much better than on a couch. I'm going to make this a bit wider, add some fringe, then store it for an xmas gift.. might be good for my sis?

Okay, lastly for real.. I got my Ravelry pin yesterday.
Yay! I wanted more from their store, but the things I really wanted sold out super fast. So, for now I can at least show a little love.

Ethan *just* mentioned he might have the opportunity to work in Boston for three months? Hmm.. not sure what I think about that yet.

*wave*

Sunday night, at work.. lately all I can think about while I'm here is how much I'd rather be spending the weekends at home with my boy. The days are so rare when we have an entire day off together.

Anywho, school is almost out for the semester, and I'm so very excited. 5 more class days, 2 finals, 2 papers and then the summer is (mostly) mine! It's been a good semester, despite my slight reluctance to be back at a community college. It was about what I remembered it to be. Kids out of high school, living with their parents, going to school because it was that or getting a "j-o-b". A few older students around my mom's age, sprinkled with a few non-traditional students like myself. All in all, it wasn't too stressful.. somewhat enjoyable, and I learned some things in and out of class which helped me grow within the past 5 months. Like, I'm not meant to understand philosophy, I'm a better public speaker than I thought, and taking classes 5 days a week all with 9am start times doesn't do my body good. You better believe I'm sleeping in until 5pm my first free day!

Over spring break I taught myself to crochet. It started with me just needing a hobby. I haven't been playing WoW as much as I did last year and had small holes of free time that needed filling. I've made a few scarves so far, an ipod cozy for my wonderful birthday present from Ethan and a couple cozies for a friend and my sister. Now I've been working on learning Amigurumi. Awesome cute japanese crocheted dolls, monsters, ninjas, etc! I'm really glad I picked up this hobby, it's been amazing for my mental state.. very relaxing. I'm now obsessed with yarn. There could be worse things though, right?

Work is good, besides the whole "I hate working weekends" thing. I really like my job, it's a perfect part-time, student job. I sit at a desk, file, answer phones, questions, transactions give tours at a cool member-based machine shop called TechShop. I like my co-workers, and the members are generally pretty nice and interesting.

I'm suddenly obessessed with wanting to buy a Vespa. Mmmm..

Also, some travel to come this summer, which I'm really excited about. I'll post more about dates/locations as plans are made.

I'll be posting pictures, cool things soon. I wanted to get a first post out there.. it's been nagging me.

For now I must go drink my hot tea, crochet then go to bed.

Just testing..

1, 2, 3..

(anything but thaaaat..)